Diet Water – Guilt-Free Hydration with Zero Everything
Category: Fake
Estimated Price: £2.79
Introducing Diet Water – the ultimate beverage for anyone serious about cutting back... on everything. Forget your sugary sodas and carb-loaded juices. Diet Water is here to cleanse your conscience as much as your palate. Carefully sourced from premium water-like sources and gently whispered affirmations of slimness, each sip is refreshingly empty, just like your willpower after 9pm.
Whether you're on a fitness journey, a juice cleanse, or just enjoy ironic branding, Diet Water is your go-to hydration solution. It’s the perfect drink for anyone watching their weight, their carbs, their sugar intake, or just their general sense of taste.
Enjoy chilled, room temperature, or served over disappointment.
Brand: SlimSip
Dimensions: 500ml bottle – standard hydration size
Materials: Triple-filtered H2O, Diet-infused
Colour(s): Crystal clear (on a good day)
Other Specifications:
- Zero sugar, zero calories, zero taste
- Keto, vegan, paleo, and breatharian friendly
- Low-carb and gluten-free*
- *Contains no gluten, carbs, or anything else
What We Think
Let’s be honest – regular water was getting a bit... indulgent, wasn’t it? Enter Diet Water. Sleek bottle, minimalist label, and the smug sense of superiority that comes from drinking something “better” than tap water – it ticks all the boxes. From a design standpoint, it looks stunning in your gym bag, perfectly matching your ‘I went to yoga’ aesthetic whether or not you actually made it there.
We did a double-blind taste test and, frankly, it performed identically to regular water. Which is exactly what you want from a product that’s trying to be everything regular water already is... but with better branding. It’s ideal for gifting to that one friend who only eats chia seeds and sighs dramatically when you order fries.
Does it work? That depends on your definition of "work." But it certainly hydrates – and your Instagram story has never looked healthier.
What Others Are Saying
💬 "I’ve been drinking Diet Water for three weeks and I’ve lost 0kg – but I feel morally superior!" – Sophie, Leeds
💬 "I gave up full-fat water last year and I’ve never looked back. Diet Water changed my life and my hydration plan." – Ben, Bristol
💬 "Honestly can’t tell the difference between this and air, but my PT says I look more ‘defined’ since I started drinking it." – Jake, Glasgow
💬 "Bought this for my husband as a joke. He drinks it now and lectures people on ‘liquid macros’ at barbecues." – Hannah, Norwich
Verdict
Diet Water is the pinnacle of over-marketed nothingness, and we absolutely love it. It’s the perfect gift for health nuts, trend chasers, and anyone who’s ever said the words “detox weekend” with a straight face. Is it necessary? No. Is it hilarious? Absolutely. SlimSip has created a masterpiece of minimalism – because sometimes, you don’t need to add anything... you just need to remove the guilt.