Gifts We Made Up (but Really Wish Existed)
This is just a bit of fun đ¤. None of the gifts on this page are real (sadly!). We totally made them up, but in an ideal world, theyâd be sitting in our shopping baskets already. Think of this as a wishlist from an alternate universe, where unicorn-powered alarm clocks and self-cleaning sock drawers are perfectly normal.
ThinkLink Dongle
A discreet neural chip that gives you full access to ChatGPT using only your thoughts. Now you can argue with an AI from the comfort of your own mind.
Tail Reader
A tail-reading wearable that analyses your dogâs tail movements and translates them into emotional readouts. Slightly too accurate.
Sniffari Mat
A scent-based activity mat that makes your dogâs bathroom loitering more interactive and slightly less awkward.
Pet Spa Kit
A spa experience for pets, featuring tuna-scented mist, purring soundscapes, and a flattery mirror. Yes, really.
Cat Translator
A collar that "translates" your catâs meows into English. Comes with suspiciously sarcastic voice options.
Foldinator 5000
A sarcastic laundry-folding robot that folds your clothes while judging your life choices. Also destroys fitted sheets out of principle
Tears Bath Salts
Luxury bath salts infused with eucalyptus, glitter, and a satisfying hint of vengeance. Soak your stress away in the tears of those who wronged you.
Clutch That Screams
A stylish evening bag with a built-in scream function for when you've had enough, but society says âbe nice.â
Mood-Nails 3000
Emotion-sensing nail polish that changes colour based on your feelings. Like a mood ring, but sassier and with glitter
Scream-In-A-Can
Press. Scream. Repeat. The stress-relief solution for modern life, minus the restraining orders
Personal Space Bubble
Need space? Get a bubble. A wearable one. Designed for awkward times, clingy colleagues, and anyone whoâs ânot really a hugger.
Airport Tent
Make your own lounge out of thin air. Literally. Quick to pitch, impossible to explain. The Airport Lounge Tent is peak unnecessary genius.
Squirrel Whispererâ˘
Talk to squirrels. Understand their culture. Negotiate nut treaties. Itâs time to befriend the fluff
LooTunesâ˘
Musical toilet roll that plays a short tune with every pull. Wipe with rhythm and class
ToeFlossâ˘
Minty-fresh, bamboo-based floss specially designed to clean between your toes. Because why should teeth have all the fun?
Cordless Extension Cable
Looks like an extension lead. Works like... it doesnât. Experience the freedom of no power.
Diet Water
Zero calories. Zero flavour. Zero logic. Itâs Diet Water â hydration with a marketing degree.
Dehydrated Water
Hilariously pointless but technically accurate: just add water to rehydrate your Dehydrated Water!
Bluetooth Rock
Looks smart. Isnât. Your new favourite conversation starter / paperweight / tech prank
Inflatable Dartboardâ˘
Finally, a dartboard the whole family can play with â as long as nobody uses real darts.
Pube Gel
Ease your fuzz, freshen your fluff, and give your nether regions the spa day they never knew they needed