Bluetooth Rock – Natural Connectivity Without the Tech
Category: Fake
Estimated Price: £4.25
Welcome to the future of stone-age technology. The Bluetooth Rock by PebbleTech is the most advanced prehistoric gadget you never asked for. With its sleek, naturally eroded design and uncanny resemblance to a forgotten smart speaker, this rock brings the *illusion* of modern connectivity to your life—minus the inconvenience of actual functionality.
Place it on your desk, next to your router, or inside a shallow bowl for “improved signal resonance.” Although it does absolutely nothing, it *looks* like it could do something, and in this economy, isn’t that enough?
No charging. No updates. No cables. Just timeless silence and geological commitment.
Brand: PebbleTech
Dimensions: Approx. 12cm x 8cm x 5cm (each rock is uniquely unshaped)
Materials: 100% natural stone, ethically foraged from unsuspecting fields
Colour(s): Assorted greys, browns, and the occasional mysterious mossy green
Other Specifications:
- Bluetooth-compatible* (in spirit)
- IP68 rated (because it’s a rock)
- Zero setup, zero battery, infinite patience
- Can be paired with vibes only
*Does not connect to anything, but looks like it might
What We Think
There’s something oddly comforting about a product that makes no promises and keeps them. The Bluetooth Rock is that product. It brings calm to your chaotic desk setup, fools guests into asking “What does this do?”, and reminds us all that not every surface needs a touchscreen.
We love it as a gift for tech bros who need humbling, spiritual minimalists who already have everything, or as a cheeky addition to your workspace zen garden. It’s weighted beautifully, naturally textured, and surprisingly satisfying to hold in moments of existential dread between Zoom calls.
Functionally? It’s useless. Emotionally? It’s everything.
What Others Are Saying
💬 "Paired instantly with my sense of humour. Didn’t connect to my phone, but connected with my soul." – Leo, Sheffield
💬 "Left this in the living room. Three visitors tried to use it as a smart speaker. One still hasn’t realised it’s a rock." – Nina, Glasgow
💬 "Works perfectly as a Bluetooth device, as long as you don’t require sound, lights, or actual Bluetooth." – Marcus, Bristol
Verdict
The Bluetooth Rock is the modern non-gadget we didn’t know we needed. It’s eco-friendly, drama-free, and doesn’t beep at 3am for no reason. While it will never charge your phone, stream your playlist or talk back to you (thankfully), it *will* make you smile—and in the absurd world of over-connected everything, that might be the most advanced feature of all.