Scream-In-A-Can – Instant Catharsis, On Demand
Category: Fake
Estimated Price: £12.49
Meet your new emotional support item: Scream-In-A-Can™. Designed for those moments when shouting into the void isn’t practical — like during meetings, parenting, or queueing behind someone using coins — this handheld miracle delivers a perfectly calibrated scream with just the press of a button.
No more damaging your own vocal cords or alarming pigeons. Each can comes preloaded with five scream types, from a polite British groan to a soul-shattering horror-movie shriek. Simply select your mode, press the top, and let the digital agony flow through the room like a banshee of justice. It’s portable, rechargeable (emotionally, at least), and weirdly therapeutic.
Finally, a product that lets you lose your cool... responsibly.
Brand: ShoutCo Industries
Dimensions: 12cm (H) x 6.5cm (W)
Materials: Brushed aluminium, emotional compression circuitry
Colour(s): Danger Yellow, Rage Red
Other Specifications: 5 preloaded scream modes (Mild Frustration, Monday Morning, Existential Crisis, Full Meltdown, & Silent Internal Weep), volume-adjustable, single-button operation, replaceable scream cartridge included
What We Think
We didn’t think we needed a can full of screaming until we tried it. Now we won’t go to the post office without it. The Scream-In-A-Can™ is the ultimate pressure valve for 2020s living — a compact, ridiculous, and yet oddly perfect gadget for every adult pretending to have it all together.
The range of scream options is surprisingly versatile. Mild Frustration is ideal for “password incorrect” moments, while Full Meltdown is brilliant for any interaction involving HMRC. The sound quality is crisp, horrifying, and just artificial enough not to get the police called (unless you use it at a bus stop… ask us how we know).
Its ergonomic shape fits comfortably in your hand or desk drawer, and the fact you can switch out scream cartridges opens up a world of sonic potential (we’re waiting for the “Passive-Aggressive Mum” DLC pack). If you ever feel like throwing your laptop out the window but still want to remain employable — this is your safe, shouty alternative.
What Others Are Saying
💬 “I use this daily during Zoom calls. Everyone thinks it’s a new Slack sound effect. They have no idea.” – Robyn, 34
💬 “My therapist said I should find a healthy outlet. I don’t think this is what she meant. But it works.” – Daniel, 40
💬 “Used it in traffic. Man in the next car also had one. We screamed in sync. Instant best friends.” – Kiera, 28
💬 “My toddler stole it and now uses it to demand snacks. Slightly terrifying. Still 5 stars.” – Liam, 37
Verdict
Whether you're bottling rage, managing burnout, or just having one of *those* Tuesdays, the Scream-In-A-Can™ offers an instant escape valve for life’s nonsense. It’s a blend of comedy and catharsis that fits in your palm and screams louder than your inner monologue. Cheaper than therapy, more effective than sarcasm — this is the modern scream solution we never knew we needed.